Throwback For A New Generation

Anticipation of Independence Teaches Valuable Life Lessons

By the time I grew up, the coming-of-age notion of filling a “hope chest” was already passé. Traditionally speaking, a hope chest stored special articles of clothing and household goods in anticipation of a young woman’s eventual marriage. Back in the 1960’s my mother revamped this old-school tradition for a new generation.

Mom started a hope chest, of sorts, for all of her children—not just the girls. She began diligently selecting items we would need in the future and gave those items to us as gifts. She anticipated what independent, young adults would require upon leaving home for the first time. Instead of emphasizing marriage, she quietly helped each of us envision our life away from home someday.

I remember the indignant feeling I had upon opening a gift from my parents on my 13th birthday. Instead of the bell-bottom blue jeans I was wishing for, I received a box of stainless steel pots and pans. Slowly, over the next six years, gifts of tangible items that I would eventually need were wrapped and given to me for birthdays and holidays. Towels and washcloths, dishes, cooking utensils, cookbooks, photo albums, cleaning equipment, and various tools were all accumulated. Patiently, I stored these things that were of no use to me at that moment, in a cardboard box in my closet.

What teenager wants this kind of stuff as gifts?

Initially, I felt cheated. What teenager wants this kind of stuff as gifts? Over time, however, I thought about that box in my closet. I made a mental note of what was already in the box, and what I still needed to get before I graduated. I learned to plan and to wait. Once I started thinking in this way, I began noticing the mundane, daily tasks of adults. I realized that I would be doing those things someday too. Paying bills, cleaning, laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking all took on a new importance to me. I began to see myself in my very own future.

Looking back, I think the hope chest was an ingenious parenting strategy. This simple (and thrifty) act instilled many skills in me such as patience, delayed gratification, saving, preparing, planning, envisioning adulthood, and anticipating independence. Without a word, my parents piqued my interest in adult life, and I wanted to learn how to be grown up.

Procrastination and instant gratification

Today, many parents wait until after high school graduation to begin equipping their child to leave home. Instead of accumulating possessions over a period of time, parents nowadays typically buy everything at once—very last minute. Rather than shopping for off-peak bargains over a number of years, families go to the same department stores and pay full price while items are in the highest demand. Our kids leave home with the same items (and the same colored towels) as everyone else—a sure sign of procrastination and instant gratification. These are not good lessons to teach our kids.

I have a thirteen year old daughter and I’m starting a hope chest for her. This won’t be a box of items geared towards marriage, but a collection of items that quietly encourage her and prepare her for life away from me. Perhaps she will marry someday—perhaps not. She will grow up and leave home, no matter how much I wish I could freeze time. In a culture obsessed by doing things fast, this modern-day hope chest will teach her to prepare and to lay things by for the future. In a society where waiting for something is almost unthinkable, she will experience delayed gratification. These are valuable life lessons. The items within her hope chest will be a tangible symbol of our love for her, and our hope for a happy and well-prepared young adult life.

Did you have something like a hope chest when you were growing up?
What are you doing to prepare your child for when they move away from home?